hey wink!

The following is quoted from Words, Meanings, and People, ISBN 0-918970-31-8, written by Dr. Sanford I. Berman, and published through the International Society for General Semantics:

Chapter 24, The Art Of Human Relations

Professor Wallace Brett Donham of Harvard, and associates from other universities, present 10 simple rules for keeping out, or getting out, of trouble.

1. Learn all about a problem before trying to solve it. Listen a lot. Talk a little. Although we cannot know “all” about anything, too many of us presume to have more knowledge than we have. In solving problems we must get as much factual data as we possibly can. And after getting as much evidence as we can, go ahead and make the decision. Don’t procrastinate. No decision at all is often worse than a bad one. Especially if this gets to be a habitual pattern.
2. See the total situation Don’t act on just part of it. Here, too, we must try to see the situation as a whole. It is so easy to abstract or select a small part for our own convenience and leave out the most essential part of the situation. This means that we must be as objective as we can and realize the subjectivity of human perception.
3. Don’t be deceived by logic. Most problems are full of emotion. You cannot leave out the human being from the situations, and people are full of emotions. Most problems, even those that seemingly are devoid of emotionality, are full of emotional feeling. Recognize your own emotions and try to be more objective while asking other people to do the same.
4. Watch for the ambiguity of language and the many meanings of words. Look behind words to get their full impact. Realize that other people have had different experiences than you and, therefore, give different meanings to words. Meanings are not in the words — They are in people. And you must ask others what they mean before criticizing or disagreeing with them.
5. No moral judgments, please. Until you have diagnosed a problem, don’t leap to conclusions about what’s right and what’s wrong. Too many of us jump to conclusions too quickly. We are too ready with our own moral judgements without trying to understand the situation from other points of view. To the degree we moralize, to that degree do we fail to analyze.
6. Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. See how the problem looks from where he or she sits. One of the most important words in management, in teaching, in being a parent, in life generally, is the word “empathy.” We must learn to listen with empathy. We must keep an open mind and a open heart in dealing with people, in trying to understand them and their problems from their point of view. Too many of us are self-centered and egotistical, unable to feel the emotions of others as they feel them. We could if we tried, and this is empathy.
7. When a problem gets you down, get away from it. Put it in the back of your mind for a week. When you approach it again, the solution may be obvious. Sometimes we are so close to the forest we fail to see the trees. Get away for a while and rejuvenate your energies. Stop thinking hard for a solution, relax your conscious mind, and let your subconscious mind take over. You will be surprised at how a solution will “pop out.” This is inspiration and creative imagination at work.
8. Ask yourself, “What are the forces acting on the other fellow? Why does he behave as he does?” Few of us really try to analyze why other people behave as they do. We are quick to criticize, to moralize, to pass judgment, but slow to understand or empathize. I have a statement that I tell my students, “Never criticize others until you know why they are doing what they are doing from their point of view!” Too many of us think that our world of reality, our perception of the world, is the only one, the right one. Such an attitude can only lead to conflict. We must realize that other people’s point of view, while different from our own, can be equally valid and correct. Ours or theirs is not necessarily better but just different. And difference is a characteristic of various human perceptions.
9. Diagnosis must come before action. Use the doctor’s approach. Don’t prescribe until you’re sure what is wrong. Be as scientific outside of the laboratory as the scientist is inside the laboratory. This means pausing and delaying your reactions, keeping an open mind, not projecting your feelings into the situation. And using your eyes and ears more than your mouth. No one has ever learned anything while talking.
10. Easy does it. Quick solutions are often the quick route to trouble. Take your time, Count to 10 before talking or reacting.

From the above, we have created the following “Ten Commandments of Human Relations”:

1. Without procrastination, Thou shalt listen before acting.
2. Thou shalt be objective and view the situation as a whole.
3. Objectively honor Thy logic and Thy emotion.
4. Rememberest Thou that meanings are not the words.
5. Thou shalt not morally judge others.
6. Thou shalt listen with empathy.
7. Thou shalt not obsess or perseverate on a problem, take a break.
8. Thou shalt not criticize others until Thou knowest why
they are doing what they are doing from their perspective.
9. Thou shalt employ the scientific method always.
10. Rememberest Thou that easy does it.

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My, how time flies. Seems just like yesterday that I was a 12 year old kid, going for long bike rides in Sherwood Forrest, the subdivision just around the corner from where I lived. Playing with William, Edward, and my little brother, climbing in the tree house, looking forward to Brent coming over to visit. Those were all good times and my only dread was finding out that we were having liver for supper.

By the time I was 22, I knew who I wanted to marry, was in the process of quitting college, going into debt, and thought that I would be a millionaire by the time I was 30 because I was so smart. Hey, it might take me until 35, but that was the top end. In reality, I was quite ignorant.

If I could go back in time, here are a few items I would tell my 22 year old self.

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